Day 78 of my Lighterlife Journey – Tuesday confessional

I can’t believe I have been on this programme for 78 days – today is the first day of the next seven days – the first day of my 12th week.

A lot has happened in the last eleven weeks.

I do have a few confessions re the programme:

• too many spoonfuls of hot chocolate powder
• maybe one/two biscuits (and that is not being sarcastic – it really is only one or two)
• maybe a mouthful of chicken

But I think that’s it, so hopefully the scales will be nice to me tonight.

Work is very stressful at the moment and I am trying to shake off my negative feelings which is proving quite difficult. I thought about trying the meditation exercise earlier this week – but the time and place was n’t quite right. Also there are so many issues I need to put into that picture that I then shrink down – I did not know where to start. I feel ever so slightly overwhelmed at the moment. There are a number of issues and a number of things I think we could be doing about it, but I don’t know how to go about it.

• various administrative functions appear to be being mismanaged and the ultimate consequence is failure to collect income and failure to prevent costs
• there are so many system issues that are just conspiring against us – and end up being backward steps, and people concerned are making decisions only from their view-point, and not looking at the bigger picture. They create issues for everyone else that then need more money throwing at etc. This goes to the heart of our culture which is rudderless and ineffective.
• there is too much work to do.
• although appointing a new CEO might appear to be light at the end of the tunnel – I am wary of placing too much hope into that possibility in case I am disappointed again – and I can’t quite believe I will not be disappointed.
• My meeting last week in North Wales – re-emphasised the relevance and usefulness of pulling together a list of ideas for saving money, generating income etc that we could then work through.
• For me sizing the problems is half the secret to reducing the feeling of being overwhelmed. I do worry that no-one will listen to my ideas though.

I have been forging ahead with my dissertation which I think is going ok – but I don’t want to think about it too much as that’s a bit scary too. I’ve issued a questionnaire and not long afterwards realised I’d missed a trick in relation to collecting demographic information. I should have asked people to confirm their gender as there are some comparisons I could have done with this info but as I have not asked that question I cannot glean any responses! So far 14 responses have been completed from a possible 37. So not bad – getting on for 38%. 16 have started the questionnaire – 14 completed as at now.

My Tutor rang me yesterday and was very positive and helpful. Also I interviewed one of the Non-executives of work as a stakeholder – which was unplanned – but hopefully can’t have done my profile any harm even if it was a little unprepared and did not quite hit the mark in relation to the research.

I’ve had a re-think about my knitting and might look to generate a small stock of knitted toys – cats, dogs, rabbits, skunks, a friend gave me a pattern for a dachshund today which looks really cute, – that I could then sell. I could have quite a bit of fun making them in all different colours and patterns.

Anyway back to work….

Focus – Day 75 of my Lighterlife journey

I need to refocus – and maybe take stock of what I learned along my journey.

I have had a mixed bag the last few weeks, losing 5 lbs, then 1, then 4 then staying the same. Staying the same the last week is no surprise as I ate:

• two packets of maltesers on my long journey home from North Wales
• some cheese and olives while I sat on my own watching Wales beat England in the 6 nations
• and have taken to eating hot-chocolate by the spoonful (i have managed to stop this in the last few days) I think I probably ate two thirds of a jar in the last week!

Obviously last week was very challenging with Sooty being killed but I can’t put it all down to that.

Claire suggested a couple of weeks ago that maybe I could see the finishing line in sight and this was meaning I was losing momentum. I don’t think that is it. Although I am basking in the relative pleasure of being able to buy nice new clothes including some new size 14 jeans last weekend – I still feel that I can do with losing a few more pounds. I still have a large amount of soft tissue (fat) around my tummy. I have not been able to go swimming or the gym for the last couple of weeks, being under the weather with a cold and then having my hair done last week – so a week off the chlorine. But I have been doing my yogalates dvd and went to Pilates this week. I’ve failed miserably to get out for a walk at lunch times – I know that would help, but work is just overwhelmingly busy at the moment and most of my spare time is being spent on my dissertation.

Anyway in terms of taking stock:

starting weight	13 st 4 lbs			-33 lbs
	19-Jan	13-Feb	23-Mar	cumulative
weight	12 st 11 lbs	11 st 12 lbs	10 st 13 lbs	-26 lbs
Measurements	cm	cm	cm	cm
shoulders	119	119	109	-10
upper arm	32	31	30	-2
bust 1	109	102	98	-11
bust 2	97	93	87	-10
rib cage	94	90	82	-12
waist	98	88	88	-10
hips	115	109	103	-12
thigh	62	60	57	-5

I can’ be disappointed with these results can I? And I’m not.

But what have I learned?

I’m worried that I have developed a new habit – secret eating, and this makes me worry that I have not learned much.

I enjoy the meetings as it is the closest things I’ll probably ever have to counselling/therapy, and I enjoy the opportunity to share how I feel with similar minded people and listening to them – if only as usually it reminds me how lucky I am. My struggle is going to be breaking my relationship with food. But part of me is thinking that it is not a bad thing to have a positive relationship with food – but maybe my relationship was not positive. MOH said it was a good job I have been on this programme as I have been so miserable recently (Sooty, work, pressure from my dissertation, niggly problems with the extension and the general issues with our house) that if I had not been on the programme I would have hit the food a lot recently – tubs of Pringles, packets of sweets, bottles of red wine – and he is probably right.

In terms of the modules we have gone through, none have really spoken to me yet, although I can relate in some way to everything we have discussed so far.

Communication – realistic goals, discounting (can’t accept something good without rebutting it in some way), game playing (two triangles persecutor, rescuer, victim v  respond, potent and vulnerable), letter to my body – how to look after myself.

Awareness – Johari’s window known to all, known to you, known to others, unknown, Mastery – progress rather than perfection, The Worry tree – meditation the picture and making it small – shrinking your worries. Miracle day – where you are managing the issues that make you eat.

The Transactional Analysis part of the programme is just reminding me what a cantankerous person I am. I know my Parent persona is the dominant player in my personality. But then I have parents and my maternal grandmother as role models there. Being the eldest child I think has something to do with it. My Child persona can be pretty strong – only in terms of having the odd mild tantrum and seeing things as how they affect me rather than taking a more balanced view.

I hope to develop strategies for being more Adult and measured.

Recognition – so far – reasons why I over consume – things that I have heard over the years (eat up, finish your plate etc) and things I say to my self to excuse eating (its Friday, I’ve earned it) a balanced way of recognising things other people, me and my body. Positive strokes.

I know I comfort eat, or eat because I am bored.  I have tried to replace this with doing other things – this blog, my knitting, my dissertation.

But I can’t get away from wanting to experience again the basic pleasure of eating good tasty food, and this worries me as when I come back off the programme I’m not sure how I will cope. I think my portion size will be better, and apart from the bingeing on Pringles and Minstrels and Stilton cheese, portions I think are my main downfall. I do realise there are underlying reasons but these have taken 47 years to learn and can’t be undone in 10 weeks.

But hopefully this stock take can help me refocus and push on top lose the last few pounds.

Day ?? of my Lighterlife Journey

Just taking a break from my dissertation to re-energise myself.

Obviously things are a little overshadowed with Sooty’s death, that is an understatement as there is a void at the moment whenever I think of her, but apart from that (and it’s a very big THAT!) things are going well.

I could not get to sleep last night, kept thinking about Sooty lying dying in the road all on her own, calling out to us. I wondered if I’d been home might I have heard the bump, and MOH also started to imagine he’d heard the bump too but did not think anything of it at the time. We’re all “if onlys” and “maybes” at the moment. On balance I’m still glad we did not see her in her last moments, even though that makes me feel like we let her down when she could have done with some comfort – just not sure we could have given her any comfort though. I just hope she did not suffer too long. It was very cold that night so maybe that helped make the end quick. Oh I wish I could turn back the clock – I can’t even say for sure when I last saw her – as on Wednesday morning I can’t remember if I fed her in the morning, and I can’t remember if I saw her in the evening as I was rushing to get ready to go to the Midlands. I miss her so much.  Me and MMC made a point of seeing her dead body last night, and made a point of stroking her – to somehow make up for not being able to comfort her when she was dying. Its bringing tears to my eyes right now. The plan is to bury her later this evening – once that is done we wont have to think of her lying there alone in the garage.

I should be feeling pretty good about things. This week I made it through into the 10 stone something range – ok only just 1 pound into that range, but even so it’s probably 15 years since my weight started with a ten!

Date	wk	target	actual	+/-
08-Jan		13 st 4lbs	13 st 4lbs	–
15-Jan	1	12 st 11lbs	12 st 11lbs	-7 lbs
22-Jan	2	12 st 8lbs	12 st 7 lbs	-11lbs
29-Jan	3	12 st 5lbs	12 st 3 lbs	-15lbs
05-Feb	4	12 st 2lbs	12 st 1 lbs	-17lbs
12-Feb	5	11 st 13lbs	11 st 12 lbs	-20lbs
19-Feb	6	11 st 10lbs	11 st 9 lbs	-23lbs
26-Feb	7	11 st 7lbs	11 st 4 lbs	-28lbs
05-Mar	8	11 st 4lbs	11 st 3 lbs	-29lbs
12-Mar	9	11 st 1lbs	10 st 13 lbs	-33lbs

I did make a concerted effort to stick to the programme – and only had a few aberrations (two teaspoonfuls of chocolate spread, a couple of teaspoonfuls of hot chocolate powder is all I can remember). This week – that visit to aunties cost me a small portion of rice and Moroccan beef stew, and 1 small barggie, plus two packets of maltesers as I was driving home from Wrexham which took me nearly five hours.

On Wednesday, the day after the weigh in, at least three people commented on my loss of weight – not sure if it was something I was wearing that day. I visited my auntie yesterday and her and her husband both were pleased for me that I seemed to have turned a corner in my weight management attempts. I must admit that when my auntie remarked on my weight I could not help but say that “I feel fab!”

Monday evening was eventful – as I was coming home I heard the news that was sad but not unexpected – Brian McDermott has been sacked! I can’t quite believe the timing! Only 9 games left. I had relinquished my grip on hope that we’d avoid relegation, but after that – even the dead cat bounce (not so funny now) will not save us from relegation now. Looking at the response around the footballing world, hopefully Brian can take some comfort from how his sacking has ben viewed, and I’m sure he will not be out of a job for long.

I have not managed to go swimming this week – I actually made it to the pool on Monday to find the gates locked shut and a queue of parked cars on the road. I joined them briefly, but then decided to go on to work and get on with my dissertation. No Pilates class either – but I have got my Yogalates dvd out twice this week.

I did my bit for citizenship for what its worth. On my journey to North Wales I ended up briefly behind a van in road works, and I could not believe it when the driver launched an empty can out of his window into the empty carriageway. The can bounced around on the road in front of me – it was not that dangerous because of the speed we were all going at. But I beeped my horn at him and he stuck his two finger up at me. Then as it happened I was coming off the road more or less straight away so indicated to go up the slip road, as the traffic started to come to a halt in front of me. Anyway I was slightly unnerved when the van also started to indicate to pull off, and I thought “oh no – he’s not going to leave it at that!” But actually his bad road-usership was added to as he went up the slip-road straight across the junction and down the other side of the slip-road to push in no doubt to the traffic queueing in the road works. I tried to memorise the number on the back of the van, but on top of following my route planner I could not keep the two things in my mind. So I pulled over and wrote the number down, and when I reached my destination (after a couple of u-turns) I rang the number and reported the incident. It turned out it was a hire company so because I did not have the reg number they probably did not do anything about it. But I just can’t comprehend that behaviour!

Work on my dissertation is gathering a pace. I travelled up to North Wales (via my Auntie’s in the Midlands) to interview some of my more successful colleagues on how they manage to achieve their surpluses, and I have been working steadily on my literature review, research methods and data analysis. My timeline does not have any slack in it now so that is helping keep me focused.

We’ve had a minor set-back in the extension front, in that Welsh Water have made us shave a metre off our kitchen to accommodate a different location for the manhole cover. MOH is really narked at how they are charging us for the privilege as well. But maybe its the Transactional Analysis module that we are working on in Lighterlife, but my Adult persona overcame my Child protestations and reasoned that we could probably afford to lose a metre off the kitchen without it cramping our style too much. We’ll know for sure when I have been to see the kitchen designer next week.

Anyway better get back to my dissertation – I’ve had my journalling half hour. It’s Friday and I’m in my office but on leave – my computer in work is a bit more powerful when it comes to using surveymonkey than my laptop.

Day 56 of my Lighterlife Journey

Now for my weekly confession:

Its been tricky this week on all fronts – keeping to my programme, to keep blogging.

I had a pretty bad cold (not man flu of course), so did not get to swim at all, and I have been really working on my dissertation this week so could not divert my time away from that too much. Did not do much knitting either – boo hoo!

If I’ve lost weight this week I will be surprised. The weekend was really tough.

Usually when I am working on an assignment I have to punctuate the work with regular distractions usually of the food type. Every now and then I flag and have to get up and do something else so that I can sit down again with renewed energy to keep going.

Also my stomach was feeling pretty awful, I think it was a combination of all that muck (catarrh) not a lot of substance (just my 601 calories a day), topped up with lempsips, sinutabs etc. So anyway after all of these excuses my list this week was:

• Mary’s retirement do – not linked to any of the above but really nice – tandoori chicken strips, followed by cajun salmon – high protein – no/v. little carbohydrates (just one chip – no-one was eating the bowl down our end of the table – what a waste! but I only had one which is good)
• several t-spoonfuls of drinking chocolate powder (must be mainly sweeteners – so that can’t be a problem?)
• about 150gm of mature cheddar (trying to soak up those pain killers and catarrh)
• the remnants of a jar of honey – all sugared up if you know what I mean (no-one else likes honey so I was doing everyone a favour was n’t I?)

That list is not as bad as I thought

• oh and I made meatloaf for Sunday dinner – so had about an inch wide slice of that when no-one was looking

It did not help that I was shut away in the kitchen on my own for most of the time, so had plenty of time to continue my secret eating. MOH was somewhere else in the house, and MMC and MYC were both out from early Saturday until later on Sunday.

Oh and the Royals did not help me – they lost again! Thankfully all is not lost though.

Mathematically – there are 10 games left, and there is still only 4 points covering Southampton in 16th (17th is safety) and Reading in 19th, and 7 points to Newcastle in 15th. Reading play Southampton and Aston Villa in the next few games – real 6 pointers! This time last year we went to Southampton and won – in what was a really important game in the promotion race! Hopefully we can do this again in the relegation “race”. The trouble is my thoughts turn to the game a few years ago (sounds vague but I know exactly when it was – 2007/8) against Fulham where we should have won – and then they beat us and went on to make the great escape from relegation at our expense. This wound is still quite raw – I think what I need is for Reading to manage to survive relegation to put that little monkey to bed.

Statistically – Lets not think about that as statistics don’t mean anything do they?

http://stats.football365.com/dom/ENG/PR/runin.html but check this out – based on recent form Reading should get 35 points – which shows them finishing in 17th, above Wigan, Aston Villa and QPR. Who said statistics do not mean anything? Lets ignore the season form which shows them finishing in 19th.

http://stats.football365.com/dom/ENG/PR/oform.html Also they have better form than 3 of the teams they meet in the run in – Aston Villa. Southampton and West Ham.

Basically there is plenty to play for – so still cup half full!

See you later.

Day 45 of my Lighterlife Journey

I’m feeling a bit better than I did on Tuesday. All in all this week has been pretty good, after a difficult start.

I lost three pounds again this week, so that’s a total of 23 lbs in 7 weeks. 23 of these:

I’ve managed to go swimming three times so far this week, and swam a total of 160 lengths so far – hopefully add to this on Sunday. That’s 4000 metres! Went to Pilates last night, and now that I am carrying less fat around my middle, I feel like I am doing much better in the class.

I met with my Dissertation buddy yesterday, and we put the world to rights and had some constructive discussions about our research and literature reviews. I should be putting those thoughts into practice right now, but I’m revelling in a bit of procrastination for a bit. There are lost of things I want to do to this blog, and have n’t got round to yet, and I’m thinking about doing these things now, when I should be getting on with my Dissertation (“D”).

So far this morning though I have been swimming, and then when I got back, rather than getting on with my D, I’ve booked a Kitchen design meeting for later, and then spent some time looking at ranges. There is washing to organise, and even that looks more appealing than getting on with the big D.

The things I have been meaning to do to the blog are set up two new pages:

• one plotting the stages in our house renovations
• another showing all my little knitting projects

But these can wait until I have finished my D. The deadline is the end of April. My timeline looks something like this:

• rough draft of the Literature Review by the end of next week
• plan out research methods
• carry out research by the end of March – this will involve staff at work, and the Easter holiday starts 28th March
• write-up findings and draft D by mid April
• go to Finance Directors Conference 25/26 April – take a few days off looking at my D (I’ve always wanted to schedule this in, so that I can look at the draft with a fresh pair of eyes and hopefully fresh inspiration so that I can craft the written document, but have not managed it for the last four assignments)
• finalise draft of the D by 30th April – mental note to double-check submission date.

Now that I written that down – I can’t procrastinate any longer!

Day….41 of my Lighterlife Journey

Taking a break from reading for my literature review. Trying to get my head straight on how many days I’ve been on the Lighterlife Programme, so that I can put the right title on this post. Checking my programme diary, next Tuesday will be my 7th weigh-in, and the first day of my 7th week, so the Monday (tomorrow) will be the last day of the 6th week which will be day 42, so today is day 41. Cor that was hard work. I’m supposed to be good at maths!

I’ll blame the fact that I have been doing a lot of reading this week-end so my brain is feeling a bit fried. I’m majoring on my dissertation this week-end as, if I am to finish the piece of work by the end of April, I really have to get on with it. Although the reading is the time-consuming bit, my mind is turning towards the next challenge which is actually composing the literature review.

Back to the programme. Day 41 sees me really trying to be good and not succumb to temptation to have a little titbit here and there. I did well last week losing 3 pounds when I did not feel like I had lost anything that week. Also considering I had a bad week in snacking. Also the discussion last Tuesday turned to how important it is when you are on “Total” not to break the rules. Total is where all you eat are the four sachets (including one bar) and you don’t have any other food at all. So this week I aimed to be really disciplined and not break the rules. So far this week I have had:

• one Thornton chocolate
• a pinch of brown sugar

that is not much but even that does not make me feel proud, but is much better than last week. It is really difficult though as part of my problem is resisting the temptation to just have a nibble on something. Next week my aim is to not have any titbits!

Exercise wise it feels like it has not been a good week, but actually it is not as bad as I perceive it to be. I went swimming on Tuesday and the gym on Thursday. But I did not go to Pilates on Thursday (too busy ferrying daughters on their Valentines day outings), nor did I get up this morning and go swimming (too tired after early morning yesterday seizing the day to get on with my reading). But I am off work tomorrow so will go swimming first thing. Promise. But I can feel the slow slide into not managing to fit these things in. As pressure rises in work and on my dissertation, my tendency is to duck out of doing these things that only benefit me. When in reality the need for those things (stress busting exercise) is even greater.

Had a good week. Bought a few new clothes last week, and had a motivational few minutes yesterday trying on clothes that I was wearing early in January which are now too big. Straight into a bag and straight to the charity shop. There is no going back to those clothes – so I had better keep the weight off! I bought a new dress yesterday, and in the changing booth, my arms still look a bit flabby in the mirror. And I’ve still got a lot of soft flesh (known as fat) around my tummy. So although I am really pleased at having lost 20 lbs so far and can already feel the benefits, fitting into smaller clothes etc, I can see that I really do need to lose more.

Friday’s is always the worst evening for me in terms of the family meal, while I am on “Total”. Getting to the end of the week is usually topped off by having a nice favourite Friday night meal, pizza, nachos, olives. That sort of thing. Recently the rest of the family have been having a take away. This week it was chinese (crispy shredded beef, lemon chicken, curry sauce, rice), last week fish and chips (fish, chips, curry sauce) the week before nachos and indian snacks and olives! I find this meal the hardest to resist.

The other thing (on top of my self-imposed working on my dissertation) that has made this week-end slightly more tedious is that Reading have not played yet. They are in FA Cup action this week and play Manchester United on Monday evening.  I am not expecting them to win, although they always do quite well against Man Utd. The draw is today, so they will know who they would play if they beat Man Utd, even before they have kicked off!

Anyway better get back to my dissertation.

Day 36 of my Lighterlife Journey

Weigh-in last night, and despite not feeling any noticeable difference this week I had lost 3 pounds. That’s 20 lbs altogether in 5 weeks. Psychologically more importantly for me I have gone through the 12 stone barrier.

Date	wk	actual	+/-
08-Jan		13 st 4lbs	–
15-Jan	1	12 st 11lbs	-7 lbs
22-Jan	2	12 st 7 lbs	-11lbs
29-Jan	3	12 st 3 lbs	-15lbs
05-Feb	4	12 st 1 lbs	-17lbs
12-Feb	5	11 st 12 lbs	-20lbs

	19/01	13-Feb	change
Measurements	cm	cm	cm
shoulders	119	114	-5
upper arm	32	31	-1
bust 1	109	102	-7
bust 2	97	93	-4
rib cage	94	90	-4
waist	98	88	-10
hips	115	109	-6
thigh	62	60	-2

Looking at these measurements, that’s 10 centimetres off my waist, 6 off my hips, and 7 off my bust. (Bought myself some pretty underwear on the week-end!)

A few years ago I did Weight-Watchers and after about ten months (?) lost 1 stone to get to 12 stone. So my current weight is lighter than I have been for a few years. I am having trouble imagining how I will feel after another stone has come off. I checked the weight/height graphs yesterday to see what my weight should be.

Courtesy of weightlossresources.co.uk. I seem to have lost an inch in height (as I thought I was 5 ft 4 inches, so maybe I am already shrinking with age!) so based on 5 ft 3 inches, according to this chart, my weight should be between 7 stone 7 lbs and 10 stone 1 lb. So another 2 stone to lose at least.

Last week I was not very good at abstaining from everything, the list of little titbits I had was much longer than I realised (see day 30-34 of my….). Despite this I managed to lose 3 lbs. But if anything I have been spurred on to be good this week, as just think what I could achieve if I was really good! I need to keep my eyes firmly on that goal – target weight 10 stone! I remember being that weight just before I became pregnant with MYC – 16 odd years ago.

Went swimming yesterday, did over 50 lengths, my legs felt good yesterday, not like lead weights like on Sunday.

Work is so hectic at the moment, and despite having a deadline tomorrow re my dissertation I have not been able to get as much reading in as I needed. The weekend was spent organising stuff at home, so missed out of the few hours reading that I have managed other weekends, which has set me back. And work is so full on that I am exhausted by the time I go home, so can’t really do anything constructive when I get home.

Day 23 of my Lighterlife Journey

Small triumph today, as someone I have not seen since before Christmas asked me if I had lost a lot of weight as my face looked different. That was nice and made me feel good as if there is one thing that I am losing weight for is so that my face looks slimmer. I hate the way my face looks so bloated in photos – I want my cheek bones back! So today’s comment was really appreciated.

Pilates this evening. I was really proud of myself as at 5 o’clock I was thinking maybe I could give myself the night off Pilates and go home. It’s so full on in work at the moment and we had a late night last night so feeling a bit tired. So I thought to myself “maybe I could just go home”. But then somehow I told myself that it was important that I went … and I did.

The topic in the Lighterlife session this week talked about the “Game of Life”. There is a triangle with Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. Sitting there thinking I might give myself the night off work/Pilates etc (rather than go to Pilates), was me acting as Rescuer to me being the Victim. Almost a downward spiral of self-destruction. The inverse triangle includes Potent (Strong), Respond and Vulnerable (which I don’t quite understand) as the counter approach to the Game of Life. I suppose I was being Potent by acting rather than slumping and not going to Pilates.

Anyway having been – the class was good and I always feel better after doing the exercise. When I do Pilates on my own at home I only do the exercises I enjoy and leave out those that I find boring. As my weight is reducing and the soft tissue (fat) around my middle is reducing I am getting into better positions and better stretches – so it’s a win win situation.

So all told its been a good day today. I promised myself I would not do any work this evening and get my knitting out. It’s now gone half nine and I’m still here…

Bye bye – knitting here I come.

Day 18 of my Lighterlife Journey

It’s Saturday and I have just had my hair coloured and cut. Another small change towards the new me. Usually I leave it 6 to 7 weeks between colours, but I have decided that what I look like should take precedence over cost – I am that important!

English: Libya. Weighing_scale. 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yesterday I had my first really tangible measure of my weight loss (apart from the weighing scales). A leather jacket that I previously could only do the top button up on comfortably, can now be done up all the way. That felt fabulous and made me feel relatively trim. The simple things in life!

Went to Pilates on Thursday, I was so glad this was not snowed off. We’ve had bad snow Tuesday morning and Wednesday evening which caused concern but did not come to much thankfully.

So this week its been lose 4 pounds, swim twice, Pilates once, hair cut and colour, clothes fitting better…things are definitely coming together.

I’m into my knitting which is good, although I think I am also using this as an avoiding technique – avoiding my dissertation. Although I did start reading a book yesterday lunch time, but not for long. I finished my first toy bear though. He looks really cute, and I’ve started a second.

Listening to the Royals winning a game in the FA Cup fourth round. They are winning 4:0. This is good as it keeps the winning feeling going and hopefully this will rub off in the Premiership! Dave Kitson who was one of my favourite players is in the opposing side (Sheffield United).

The commentator Tim Gooding is also a big fan of Dave Kitson’s, and really wears his heart on his sleeve, said that if Kitson scored a goal and celebrated it, that he’d cry. Presumably as his hero had slipped in his estimation. I know what he means. Now that Reading are four in front though it would be good if Dave Kitson scored for old time’s sake. I can hear the crowd singing his song “David Kitson, what a bargain, what a bargain, David Kitson, what a bargain!” As pound per pound he was probably one of the most effective players. Bought for £150k in 2003, 135 appearances, 54 goals, and sold for £5.5m in 2008. As was fitting, he scored our first goal in the Premiership in 2006/7 in that momentous opening game of our Premiership history, winning 3:2 after going two goals behind. Dave Kitson I love you for what you did for the team.

Reading have now won, and under Brian McDermot the FA Cup has been very important. In his first season we went to the FA Cup Quarterfinals for the first time since 1927. This coincided with an upturn in our fortunes in the league. Having waited 83 years to get to the quarter finals, we did it again the next year as well. Hopefully getting to the fifth round will have a similar impact on our league performance as well this year. Come on URSSSSSSSSSS.

I’m not really feeling very inspired today, so will sign off now.

Day 9 of my Lighterlife journey

I feeling much more upbeat – it’s the combination of having been swimming yesterday and Pilates this evening which have really given me a lift. All those positive endorphins have been rushing round my body.

Yesterday I just felt on a high and was chatting away to MEC’s girlfriend like there was no tomorrow, and as I became conscious of what I was doing I realised what was happening. I almost felt giddy with upbeatness. I quickly put that down to the fact that I had managed to do as I intended, and that was to go to the pool in my lunch break, and I swam 30 lengths 20 breast stroke and 10 front crawl. My arms felt quite heavy today but that reinforce the fact that I got some exercise yesterday.

Then today I went to my Pilates class and as there is slightly less soft tissue (fat) around my midriff I felt able to get into better positions for things like child-pose, so that gave me a lift as well.

As I am typing away here my tummy is gurgling like mad. Working through my “28 days of doing something to make it a habit”, now when I see something that last week I might have had one of (eg sweets in a pack) I don’t have the urge to put one in my mouth. Also when I was allowed to eat the bars as part of my four food-packs, I was choosing to cut them up into slices and pick at them like sweets while relaxing in front of the tv, almost as a substitute for the Pringles, M&Ms, Minstrels, Olives, that I enjoyed grazing on. I asked Claire when people eat their fourth pack, and she said that you should aim for eating a pack every four hours or so. I was conscious that thinking of the bar and eating it like it was a treat was conforming to my norm of seeing food I like as a reward, comfort, etc. This week though I have become less emotionally attached to the bars, so today I ate it whole (rather than in chocolate like chunks) around 4pm so that I did not get too hungry between then doing Pilates and eating my evening pack. That felt like a step forward to me.

Random I know but I saw an owl on the way home – just caught sight of its wide wing span flying low over the hedge by the road side.

Anyway, tomorrow we are supposed to be a foot deep in snow. Everyone is in a panic, and work, school will be disrupted. I have brought work home with me, as I have lots to do which I want to do, and I did some reading for my dissertation today, so there is plenty of that to get my teeth into. We’ve bought the wellies in from the garage, so if its nice tomorrow, maybe the four of us can go to the local park and enjoy the snow for a bit as well. That’s a really nice thought!